So, my drivers side mirror on my newest car fell off. Just the mirror, the entire body and panel the mirror sticks to is still intact. The panel it sticks to is the exact same colour as the road. Each time I look at it I think for half a second that its pointing down directly at the road, then for the next half a second I am filled with the realisation that I will not get an image from that angle and I am flooded with grief.

You dont realise how often you use a mirror until you cant.

Im sure this could be applied to like, a billion other things in life.

I recently stumbled upon a new genre of music that is instantly taken the number 1 spot in my favourite music. I can’t stop listening to this stuff. It’s so empowering and inspiring. If I had the energy I would use this to drive forward towards my goals with haste I have never had before.

The duck pen plan is taking too long so im getting some chickens. Maybe 4. Just some plain isa browns or 2 isa brown and 3 bantoms. I love the fluffy feet of the bantoms. They will be in large cages im am making from ibc tanks. The cage itself is being wired off. Im cutting the tanks themselves in half and turning them into rabbit hutches.

With all the things going on in the world and even around me in my local state, I more and more come to terms with the biblical words of Ecclesiastes from the christian bible. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless… There is nothing new under the sun.

But with all of this, I still feel like I am falling behind in my plans to keep ahead of it. Yeah, I’m not going to bother explaining what this paragraph means. Mystery….

I did a mega post with pictures of my property as of march 2017 on voat.co.

It’s quite long, but check it out:

https://voat.co/v/JustGrowIt/1767304

So it looks like myxomatosis finally found its way to where I live. Lost our male bunny Vlad. Had to put him down before it got worse. Broke the broom in the process, so at least he went out with a bang. After almost 2 weeks of being blind and sickly. Been here for 3 years and never seen the disease at all, so we assume it must have been from the new strain the released last year.  The last remaining girl seems perfectly fine which is a worry. She is an excellent rabbit and I want to keep breeding her but this is not going to be cheap if we keep doing this.

If she dies I might get some bantam chickens for her cage as it is massive.

So I hurt myself badly almost 2 weeks ago. Not like, broken bone bad, but man it has been a very uncomfortable two weeks.

Quick story: Was running, went for a sprint, dog was on lead and thought it would be cool to come close and because I take large strides I stood on the leash and hit the ground at full speed. Which was quite fast. Luckily I was able to roll and negate the serious damage, but I tore my knee up the worst I have ever and did my arm and hands.

Struggling to get through the basics of life, such as walking, getting into and out of a car and using stairs made me realise something. Ever since I left home I had practically reduced the amount of major physical injury to zero, until now. I hurt myself so much when I was living with my mother (not on purpose, just by accident) and in 10 years since I left home I’ve seriously hurt myself 1.5 times. I kinda hurt myself once badly but it didn’t impact on my life very much. Just hurt a lot.

This interested me a lot and I thought a little about it. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I am fully in control of my own life. By being able to do the things I want, set up my house the way I want and not be forced to do the things my mother wanted, I was able to avoid the things that I did not like. Which was pain. And I had a lot of it as a kid.

Moral of the story? Uh. I guess… parents who are not very smart make unsmart choices. Get out of there as fast as possible? Maybe? Middle aged single mothers are terrible? women born from 1950-1960 are terrible? All of the above?

While I have not achieved the goal I originally set out by changing my diet, I have in fact achieved many other great fantastic things. I’ve always known this fact, but can not believe how drastically it effects your life, but if you eat crap, you become crap.

I eat almost nothing these days and I feel the best I have in a very long time. I’ve lost so much weight and the cravings are mostly gone. Still onlyy halfway up the road to good health though.

Almost done with my first vermaculture system. I have a pipe with 6 holes in it growing lettuce and a small worm farm. I was running a solar water pump to pump water from a sump in the worm farm to the pipe, but it was not strong enough and there was not enough sun where I live. I bought a new electric pump and a timer so that will mean full swing for production.

Also starting on collecting material for the duck pen.

I have drastically changed my diet recently. I cut out half the sugar I was eating. I just saw an add for chocolate. Now I want chocolate. This is why so much of the western world is fat. They are all big fat consumers with no self control. I also have a difficult time with self control with food, so I just made sure there was none in the house and moved to a place where it is too cold to go outside to go to the store and buy some. That is meta self control.

I’ve noticed that this year so far has proven to have caused a drastic change in my personality. Certain events and my studying of my responses to them are leading me into a another new state of mind. It seems almost 2 years ago now when my mind first flipped from its previous dormant state. It seems since then to have been a continuous avalanche of absorption, dissection and then reinstatement of personality and understanding. I am not the same person I was 5 months ago. I was not the same person 6 months before that and 6 months before that. I wonder at times what would have happened if this chain reaction started many many years earlier. I sometimes feel that my parents were too simple to instill this mental state into me and I have missed precious years. I don’t regret the lost years, I just feel that I have to work harder now to make up for them. 

Currently, the changes seem to reflect a new mentality on how I perceive what is right and wrong in day to day life. I’ve taken how I used to see what is right and wrong, I have meditated on it and have played various tests on these ideas in the real world and I have discovered some life changing things. Moral and immoral are not the questions here. It is more of, should I do things this way, or this way. Which is the right and which is the wrong way? I have come to see these decisions in a new way. I now have a fire inside me to test these new understandings and I have been throwing myself into situations that I believe would cause many regular people to just curl up into a ball and want to die. I no longer feel any fear about doing these things. I still feel some anxiety, but it is almost gone. The more I continue to throw myself into these situations the easier it gets, the more I understand how the outcomes change to the way I react and also the best ways to manipulate them. 

It scares me a little, but empowers me greatly. The more I think about these things and all the other things that I have posted here and thought about before in the past, the more I believe I am being pushed by God to build a personality that is capable of withstanding anything.

I just had a realisation today while I was talking business to a bank.

I spent nearly half a million dollars on my house.

That is a lot of money that I wont be seeing again any time soon.

For some time now I have been interested in sustainable small time farming. Being the money and business driven person I am I have always enjoyed producing usable things out of nothing. It is essentially the basic function of farming. So I could go through all the things I went through to get to where I am after all these months, but I figure I will just tell you what the end result will be.

At this point in time, I am nearly finished designing my vermaculture setup. This is like hydroponics, but I dont add nutrients to the water. The water flows through a worm farm and all I do is put our food scraps into the worm farm. Then poof, lettuce. The ultimate goal for this is to run it entirely off solar without batteries. 

The next step is ducks. These guys actually, cayuga ducks.

The final step is fish in an aquaponics system. Like the vermaculute, but instead of worms fish. These fish actually, eel tailed cartfish:

I will try to set the aquaponics system to run entirely off solar, but I do not think this will be possible. The amount of airation needed is emence. I will try though, but it will be hard as I will have some very large tanks for these guys in order to try and breed them.

The ultimate final goal, is to use the worms to make food for the fish, use the fish to make food for the ducks and to use the duck crap to feed the worms. If I can do all of this on wind power and solar without batteries, I will feel glorious.

Having recently started to delve into the legal universe and less recently capitalism and social meta on a country scale, I have started to find in my self startling realisations.

I have always tried to stick to the law and do justice as per the law. Now, this will sound funny and you will probably go “duh”, but Im coming to understand that the law is faulty.  There is no justice in law. I have seen it in my research and now, I am starting to see it first hand. I’m not saying I am in trouble with the law and I am just whining, no, this is not the case. I am seeing the proof and patterns of favourtism in a supposedly just system. As mentioned, people will go duh, but what I really can see is much deeper than what you are probably thinking. People might say, taxes are stupid, I shouldn’t have to pay taxes, this law is stupid. I’m not talking directly about this, but my view on taxes does relate.

The bible says to be submissive to the law. It also says to obey god over men. My new knowledge has started to make me change how I perceive the barrier of the law and men. I am starting to understand that the law is for the men who make it and how does that work for me in relation to obeying the law? This could sound like the brewing of illegal activity, but really, what is on my mind, in 10 years it will probably be legal. (Note, there is minimal illegal activity on my mind).

I saw a post on facebook from one of the police pages stating that someone had stolen a speed camera and ran off with it and that they should return, if they get caught they can be fined X and spend X years in jail. I skimmed quickly through the comments and found that at least 90% of them were against the police and for the guy who stole the equipment. I have seen these sort of posts before and I have noticed the same pattern in comments.

The laws of man change so fast and so subtly, that most people do not even know them.

Large corporations get away with so much.

A long time ago I came to terms with the fact that I was a cynical asshole. I knew what was good, everything else was terrible or worthless and I just did not have time for the droopy armed people who spend all their time sitting down watching movies that do not improve their lives at all.

Is that being a cynical asshole though?

I did a little bit of meditating and praying recently and I was reminded of some words that I was told by some good men in the name of god. Both of these men, who told me these words at two different times and two very different locations mentioned that I was a rebel and this pleased god.

I have come to realise that I am in fact not an asshole. I am a rebel. I rebel against the destroying society norms. I rebel against immorality. I rebel against what I do not feel is right or what does not benefit man kind. Some times I just plain old rebel against the system because frankly, it is illegal to go over the speed limit while overtaking people, but if there is a blind spot or another car coming in the opposite direction, then I am going to speed and I will not feel guilty. I rebel against the rules of man because man as a whole is a useless sack of shit and I do not want to be in that sack. 

This is what I have learned about myself this week.

Since November last year I have been going on a journey of personal reinvention regarding my goals, abilities, the world around me in the micro and the meta and the destination of my future. A lot of education and a lot of study has been involved and now I have a lot of plans and a lot of ambition and drive.

I have been piling all of this up continuously and have only been able to act on it at about 10% of the rate that I am absorbing it and now I am burnt out. This has come due to a lack of funds, a lack of energy, lack of any master minds to share my ideals and goals with and all compounded by the freezing cold weather of where I live. Which wouldn’t be an issue, except the lack of funds part also makes heating a luxury we are not investing in.

I noticed I was burnt out when I started reading books for the pen and paper game Paranoia and became instantly hooked again. I sat back and investigated myself as to why I was so absorbed in this and neglecting other texts. I guess after over half a year of nothing else it is good to have a rest. 

And so I will rest.