I’ve noticed that this year so far has proven to have caused a drastic change in my personality. Certain events and my studying of my responses to them are leading me into a another new state of mind. It seems almost 2 years ago now when my mind first flipped from its previous dormant state. It seems since then to have been a continuous avalanche of absorption, dissection and then reinstatement of personality and understanding. I am not the same person I was 5 months ago. I was not the same person 6 months before that and 6 months before that. I wonder at times what would have happened if this chain reaction started many many years earlier. I sometimes feel that my parents were too simple to instill this mental state into me and I have missed precious years. I don’t regret the lost years, I just feel that I have to work harder now to make up for them. 

Currently, the changes seem to reflect a new mentality on how I perceive what is right and wrong in day to day life. I’ve taken how I used to see what is right and wrong, I have meditated on it and have played various tests on these ideas in the real world and I have discovered some life changing things. Moral and immoral are not the questions here. It is more of, should I do things this way, or this way. Which is the right and which is the wrong way? I have come to see these decisions in a new way. I now have a fire inside me to test these new understandings and I have been throwing myself into situations that I believe would cause many regular people to just curl up into a ball and want to die. I no longer feel any fear about doing these things. I still feel some anxiety, but it is almost gone. The more I continue to throw myself into these situations the easier it gets, the more I understand how the outcomes change to the way I react and also the best ways to manipulate them. 

It scares me a little, but empowers me greatly. The more I think about these things and all the other things that I have posted here and thought about before in the past, the more I believe I am being pushed by God to build a personality that is capable of withstanding anything.

I just had a realisation today while I was talking business to a bank.

I spent nearly half a million dollars on my house.

That is a lot of money that I wont be seeing again any time soon.

For some time now I have been interested in sustainable small time farming. Being the money and business driven person I am I have always enjoyed producing usable things out of nothing. It is essentially the basic function of farming. So I could go through all the things I went through to get to where I am after all these months, but I figure I will just tell you what the end result will be.

At this point in time, I am nearly finished designing my vermaculture setup. This is like hydroponics, but I dont add nutrients to the water. The water flows through a worm farm and all I do is put our food scraps into the worm farm. Then poof, lettuce. The ultimate goal for this is to run it entirely off solar without batteries. 

The next step is ducks. These guys actually, cayuga ducks.


The final step is fish in an aquaponics system. Like the vermaculute, but instead of worms fish. These fish actually, eel tailed cartfish:

I will try to set the aquaponics system to run entirely off solar, but I do not think this will be possible. The amount of airation needed is emence. I will try though, but it will be hard as I will have some very large tanks for these guys in order to try and breed them.

The ultimate final goal, is to use the worms to make food for the fish, use the fish to make food for the ducks and to use the duck crap to feed the worms. If I can do all of this on wind power and solar without batteries, I will feel glorious.

Having recently started to delve into the legal universe and less recently capitalism and social meta on a country scale, I have started to find in my self startling realisations.

I have always tried to stick to the law and do justice as per the law. Now, this will sound funny and you will probably go “duh”, but Im coming to understand that the law is faulty.  There is no justice in law. I have seen it in my research and now, I am starting to see it first hand. I’m not saying I am in trouble with the law and I am just whining, no, this is not the case. I am seeing the proof and patterns of favourtism in a supposedly just system. As mentioned, people will go duh, but what I really can see is much deeper than what you are probably thinking. People might say, taxes are stupid, I shouldn’t have to pay taxes, this law is stupid. I’m not talking directly about this, but my view on taxes does relate.

The bible says to be submissive to the law. It also says to obey god over men. My new knowledge has started to make me change how I perceive the barrier of the law and men. I am starting to understand that the law is for the men who make it and how does that work for me in relation to obeying the law? This could sound like the brewing of illegal activity, but really, what is on my mind, in 10 years it will probably be legal. (Note, there is minimal illegal activity on my mind).

I saw a post on facebook from one of the police pages stating that someone had stolen a speed camera and ran off with it and that they should return, if they get caught they can be fined X and spend X years in jail. I skimmed quickly through the comments and found that at least 90% of them were against the police and for the guy who stole the equipment. I have seen these sort of posts before and I have noticed the same pattern in comments.

The laws of man change so fast and so subtly, that most people do not even know them.

Large corporations get away with so much.

A long time ago I came to terms with the fact that I was a cynical asshole. I knew what was good, everything else was terrible or worthless and I just did not have time for the droopy armed people who spend all their time sitting down watching movies that do not improve their lives at all.

Is that being a cynical asshole though?

I did a little bit of meditating and praying recently and I was reminded of some words that I was told by some good men in the name of god. Both of these men, who told me these words at two different times and two very different locations mentioned that I was a rebel and this pleased god.

I have come to realise that I am in fact not an asshole. I am a rebel. I rebel against the destroying society norms. I rebel against immorality. I rebel against what I do not feel is right or what does not benefit man kind. Some times I just plain old rebel against the system because frankly, it is illegal to go over the speed limit while overtaking people, but if there is a blind spot or another car coming in the opposite direction, then I am going to speed and I will not feel guilty. I rebel against the rules of man because man as a whole is a useless sack of shit and I do not want to be in that sack. 

This is what I have learned about myself this week.

Since November last year I have been going on a journey of personal reinvention regarding my goals, abilities, the world around me in the micro and the meta and the destination of my future. A lot of education and a lot of study has been involved and now I have a lot of plans and a lot of ambition and drive.

I have been piling all of this up continuously and have only been able to act on it at about 10% of the rate that I am absorbing it and now I am burnt out. This has come due to a lack of funds, a lack of energy, lack of any master minds to share my ideals and goals with and all compounded by the freezing cold weather of where I live. Which wouldn’t be an issue, except the lack of funds part also makes heating a luxury we are not investing in.

I noticed I was burnt out when I started reading books for the pen and paper game Paranoia and became instantly hooked again. I sat back and investigated myself as to why I was so absorbed in this and neglecting other texts. I guess after over half a year of nothing else it is good to have a rest. 

And so I will rest.

When I was very young, I never understood the purpose of the financial news, stock market reports and things like that. These days I am surprised by how easily I can sit in front of the numbers and graphs for hours without getting bored. A number of people, thanks to my friend Tim, started to call me space jew because of how much of a money maker I am in various space empire simulators. It was fun to play the games like that and it was fun to help fund my allies in need without breaking a sweat. This is the mentality I have as I start to build my real world empire.

A lot has been changing. Many new business and building ventures are being formulated. Education,  preparation. My desire to conquer certain aspects of myself and the world around me grow considerably every day. I have changed so much since I first started this site. My goals and understandings have exploded exponentially.

Some one tell me what to do if you hate all the candidates you are forced to vote for.

A couple months ago me and Liz were listening to Linkin Park. Older stuff, nothing after Jayz, because seriously, its crap. Anyway, she made an observation that the song and the song after were not specifically about a woman or a relationship. We talked about it a bit and more songs played and we came to a strange conclusion.

We are quite certain that all early Linkin Park songs, are actually about a mentor in school or in life. Could also be about an inspirational idol that the guy looks up to and learns from. But it is not about love or relationships. Seriously.

Liz just sent me this message:

Urinal guy was in… That means I got chocolate

I am learning the shit out of these free courses on open2study. I am almost addicted to them. 

I have NEVER, in my entire life, enjoyed learning since I started studying again in the last year.

Here is what I found about this learning that made me want to be so involved and enjoy it.

1. I am not being forced to do anything I dont want to. Unfortunately, this may become true if I do anything after a diploma level, but I hope its kept minimal. Forced elective subjects away from your chosen field, is what ruins the desire to study. I am paying to learn X, not Y.

2. I am not learning about the things that make up my hobby. Working in a technical environment with computers, made me hate computers. I am much happier now that I work in something completely different and not even remotely related to my normal life outside of work.

3. Prospect of more money. Currently between me and liz we make ok money. However with all the loans we have due to the house and buying it at the same time as our wedding, we spend less than ever. The drive to get more money actually exists now. You would think people would constantly want more money, but I did not really feel it untill I was in the process of actually getting there.

High school is none of these things.

I find it, almost hilarious, that many people fight for the right to legalise recreational drugs, but then fight against the idea of being drugged by their government or similar.

Ok, there really isnt many people like this, the internet just magnifies them and makes them louder. 

I have no issue with recreational drugs. Ive said this a lot. You go on and enjoy your drugs. If you ever bring any into my home and offer me some I will break your fingers. Or if you confront me in the street under their influence and there is no one watching. Bam. Fingers gone broked good.

This will probably never happen though. I don’t go out much.

Ive spent a fair bit of time at the doctors in the last few months. At one time i was taking about 10 pills a day. Also had a cancer scare. Just recently spent a night in hospital tied up to sensors. 

I sit back and consider these things and shrug them off. This is normal for me. Ive lost count of the surguries and problems ive had. I had my first surgury at 4 years of age. Sounds sad doesnt it. But really, to me, it isnt. Its not that im used to it. you cant get used to having doctors poking you with shit and then saying, ok, time to rip the insides off your face out.

Its more that it gives me perspective and unaldultered hate towards everything else. What? I imagine you might think.

I desire things on two levels. My daily basic desires that are achievable. Food, my wife, the knowkedge that i am better than everyone else, my garden, the joy of driving. Then there are those that i dream of. I wish to destroy everything and rebuild it myself. I want to segregate everything i hate, which is nearly everything in our modern immoral society. I cant even feel happy with my job because i have answers to all my problems but no one will fix them, if i could tell them. I desire perfection. 

I desire an augmented reality that is possible to achieve with money. This is a real desire and not just a dream. A dream you sit back and go “that would be nice”. Desire is a craving. And when i am confronted with my mortality, my desire is inflamed. This happens a lot.

Ok, I am going to pretend to be a whiny little teen here and go ahead and state my words in an uncontrolled and completely unthought through way.  Because really, what actual real scientist really cares what the internet has to say?

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To every one bitching about climate change and shit like that. Go and look up ancient underwater civiliations and the temperature cycle of the earth. Thousands of years ago, our ancestors werent going around going, CLIMATE CHANGE CLIMATE CHANGE END OF THE WORLD IM A FUCKING RETARD STOP BURNING WOOD TOO MUCH CO2 STOP DRIVING YOUR CARS TOO MUCH INDUSTRY FFFFFMMMMMHMMPPHPpptptptptp. And their cities still ended up under water and they still had massive natural disasters, that wiped out ENTIRE civilisations and what we get today did not compare to theirs. 

Go back to the dinosaurs. It was warm and temperate OH WAIT NO! DINOSAURS CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING AND T.. wait.. ice age? Ok, then it was warm again, then another ice age? Seriously.. THIS IS BASIC GEOGRAPHY IN HIGH SCHOOL! This is when I learned this shit. When I was in year 7.

If you really hate climate change then get off your computer, out of your car, dont use anything produced by an industry (ie, not hand made from a tree) and just enjoy living in a cave, eating your cold uncooked food. EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU POST OR VOICE YOUR OPINION ON THE INTERNET ABOUT CARBON EMISSIONS BEING BAD, YOU ARE BEING A HYPOCRITE.