Here we go again again.

By AnmanIndustries - Last updated: Thursday, May 12, 2016 - Save & Share - Leave a Comment

I’ve noticed that this year so far has proven to have caused a drastic change in my personality. Certain events and my studying of my responses to them are leading me into a another new state of mind. It seems almost 2 years ago now when my mind first flipped from its previous dormant state. It seems since then to have been a continuous avalanche of absorption, dissection and then reinstatement of personality and understanding. I am not the same person I was 5 months ago. I was not the same person 6 months before that and 6 months before that. I wonder at times what would have happened if this chain reaction started many many years earlier. I sometimes feel that my parents were too simple to instill this mental state into me and I have missed precious years. I don’t regret the lost years, I just feel that I have to work harder now to make up for them. 

Currently, the changes seem to reflect a new mentality on how I perceive what is right and wrong in day to day life. I’ve taken how I used to see what is right and wrong, I have meditated on it and have played various tests on these ideas in the real world and I have discovered some life changing things. Moral and immoral are not the questions here. It is more of, should I do things this way, or this way. Which is the right and which is the wrong way? I have come to see these decisions in a new way. I now have a fire inside me to test these new understandings and I have been throwing myself into situations that I believe would cause many regular people to just curl up into a ball and want to die. I no longer feel any fear about doing these things. I still feel some anxiety, but it is almost gone. The more I continue to throw myself into these situations the easier it gets, the more I understand how the outcomes change to the way I react and also the best ways to manipulate them. 

It scares me a little, but empowers me greatly. The more I think about these things and all the other things that I have posted here and thought about before in the past, the more I believe I am being pushed by God to build a personality that is capable of withstanding anything.

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