desire

By AnmanIndustries - Last updated: Monday, September 1, 2014 - Save & Share - Leave a Comment

Ive spent a fair bit of time at the doctors in the last few months. At one time i was taking about 10 pills a day. Also had a cancer scare. Just recently spent a night in hospital tied up to sensors. 

I sit back and consider these things and shrug them off. This is normal for me. Ive lost count of the surguries and problems ive had. I had my first surgury at 4 years of age. Sounds sad doesnt it. But really, to me, it isnt. Its not that im used to it. you cant get used to having doctors poking you with shit and then saying, ok, time to rip the insides off your face out.

Its more that it gives me perspective and unaldultered hate towards everything else. What? I imagine you might think.

I desire things on two levels. My daily basic desires that are achievable. Food, my wife, the knowkedge that i am better than everyone else, my garden, the joy of driving. Then there are those that i dream of. I wish to destroy everything and rebuild it myself. I want to segregate everything i hate, which is nearly everything in our modern immoral society. I cant even feel happy with my job because i have answers to all my problems but no one will fix them, if i could tell them. I desire perfection. 

I desire an augmented reality that is possible to achieve with money. This is a real desire and not just a dream. A dream you sit back and go “that would be nice”. Desire is a craving. And when i am confronted with my mortality, my desire is inflamed. This happens a lot.

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