The next stage of my life has come. Except, I do not know what it is. All I know is that the last chapter has finished. I’ll be told when the time is ready. Perhaps it’s a break while I wait for the baby to finished being baked. “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.”

I think God has finally decided to show me how to fix my main health issue. This might be it. The day is coming where I can be free from my restraints and let loose.

I’ve been wanting to do it for a while, but finally got around to it and found out stuff I would have expected. Deleting everything is very difficult. Removing tags is very difficult. Im still going to use it for communication, but Im going to clear it out on a regular basis. 

I tried Gab, its kinda shit. I looked at other voat alternatives, theyre mostly shit. Guess this site and voat is all I really want for now.

I’ve been suffering from what I think is the worst sinus pains in my entire life. I have been borderline attentive in anything I have been doing. Today is good though, as there is no pain. Also something weird, I didn’t snore during my nap in the car today. At least I think I didn’t. A benchmark I have been using for how well healing my sinuses is going. I wasn’t hungry this morning either, another benchmark. Things looking good. I might be on the edge of my ultimate recovery.

On a side note, I discovered this and I LOVE IT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrjZUxziEAI&t=597s

One of the greatest pieces of music I have come across in a long time.

So, my drivers side mirror on my newest car fell off. Just the mirror, the entire body and panel the mirror sticks to is still intact. The panel it sticks to is the exact same colour as the road. Each time I look at it I think for half a second that its pointing down directly at the road, then for the next half a second I am filled with the realisation that I will not get an image from that angle and I am flooded with grief.

You dont realise how often you use a mirror until you cant.

Im sure this could be applied to like, a billion other things in life.

I recently stumbled upon a new genre of music that is instantly taken the number 1 spot in my favourite music. I can’t stop listening to this stuff. It’s so empowering and inspiring. If I had the energy I would use this to drive forward towards my goals with haste I have never had before.

The duck pen plan is taking too long so im getting some chickens. Maybe 4. Just some plain isa browns or 2 isa brown and 3 bantoms. I love the fluffy feet of the bantoms. They will be in large cages im am making from ibc tanks. The cage itself is being wired off. Im cutting the tanks themselves in half and turning them into rabbit hutches.

With all the things going on in the world and even around me in my local state, I more and more come to terms with the biblical words of Ecclesiastes from the christian bible. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless… There is nothing new under the sun.

But with all of this, I still feel like I am falling behind in my plans to keep ahead of it. Yeah, I’m not going to bother explaining what this paragraph means. Mystery….

I did a mega post with pictures of my property as of march 2017 on voat.co. It’s quite long, but check it out:

https://voat.co/v/JustGrowIt/1767304

So it looks like myxomatosis finally found its way to where I live. Lost our male bunny Vlad. Had to put him down before it got worse. Broke the broom in the process, so at least he went out with a bang. After almost 2 weeks of being blind and sickly. Been here for 3 years and never seen the disease at all, so we assume it must have been from the new strain the released last year.  The last remaining girl seems perfectly fine which is a worry. She is an excellent rabbit and I want to keep breeding her but this is not going to be cheap if we keep doing this.

If she dies I might get some bantam chickens for her cage as it is massive.

So I hurt myself badly almost 2 weeks ago. Not like, broken bone bad, but man it has been a very uncomfortable two weeks.

Quick story: Was running, went for a sprint, dog was on lead and thought it would be cool to come close and because I take large strides I stood on the leash and hit the ground at full speed. Which was quite fast. Luckily I was able to roll and negate the serious damage, but I tore my knee up the worst I have ever and did my arm and hands.

Struggling to get through the basics of life, such as walking, getting into and out of a car and using stairs made me realise something. Ever since I left home I had practically reduced the amount of major physical injury to zero, until now. I hurt myself so much when I was living with my mother (not on purpose, just by accident) and in 10 years since I left home I’ve seriously hurt myself 1.5 times. I kinda hurt myself once badly but it didn’t impact on my life very much. Just hurt a lot.

This interested me a lot and I thought a little about it. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I am fully in control of my own life. By being able to do the things I want, set up my house the way I want and not be forced to do the things my mother wanted, I was able to avoid the things that I did not like. Which was pain. And I had a lot of it as a kid.

Moral of the story? Uh. I guess… parents who are not very smart make unsmart choices. Get out of there as fast as possible? Maybe? Middle aged single mothers are terrible? women born from 1950-1960 are terrible? All of the above?

While I have not achieved the goal I originally set out by changing my diet, I have in fact achieved many other great fantastic things. I’ve always known this fact, but can not believe how drastically it effects your life, but if you eat crap, you become crap.

I eat almost nothing these days and I feel the best I have in a very long time. I’ve lost so much weight and the cravings are mostly gone. Still onlyy halfway up the road to good health though.

Almost done with my first vermaculture system. I have a pipe with 6 holes in it growing lettuce and a small worm farm. I was running a solar water pump to pump water from a sump in the worm farm to the pipe, but it was not strong enough and there was not enough sun where I live. I bought a new electric pump and a timer so that will mean full swing for production.

Also starting on collecting material for the duck pen.

I have drastically changed my diet recently. I cut out half the sugar I was eating. I just saw an add for chocolate. Now I want chocolate. This is why so much of the western world is fat. They are all big fat consumers with no self control. I also have a difficult time with self control with food, so I just made sure there was none in the house and moved to a place where it is too cold to go outside to go to the store and buy some. That is meta self control.

I’ve noticed that this year so far has proven to have caused a drastic change in my personality. Certain events and my studying of my responses to them are leading me into a another new state of mind. It seems almost 2 years ago now when my mind first flipped from its previous dormant state. It seems since then to have been a continuous avalanche of absorption, dissection and then reinstatement of personality and understanding. I am not the same person I was 5 months ago. I was not the same person 6 months before that and 6 months before that. I wonder at times what would have happened if this chain reaction started many many years earlier. I sometimes feel that my parents were too simple to instill this mental state into me and I have missed precious years. I don’t regret the lost years, I just feel that I have to work harder now to make up for them. 

Currently, the changes seem to reflect a new mentality on how I perceive what is right and wrong in day to day life. I’ve taken how I used to see what is right and wrong, I have meditated on it and have played various tests on these ideas in the real world and I have discovered some life changing things. Moral and immoral are not the questions here. It is more of, should I do things this way, or this way. Which is the right and which is the wrong way? I have come to see these decisions in a new way. I now have a fire inside me to test these new understandings and I have been throwing myself into situations that I believe would cause many regular people to just curl up into a ball and want to die. I no longer feel any fear about doing these things. I still feel some anxiety, but it is almost gone. The more I continue to throw myself into these situations the easier it gets, the more I understand how the outcomes change to the way I react and also the best ways to manipulate them. 

It scares me a little, but empowers me greatly. The more I think about these things and all the other things that I have posted here and thought about before in the past, the more I believe I am being pushed by God to build a personality that is capable of withstanding anything.

I just had a realisation today while I was talking business to a bank.

I spent nearly half a million dollars on my house.

That is a lot of money that I wont be seeing again any time soon.