Ive gone back to my japanese lessons. Im getting tired of all of this. Such a useless place to be.

So… I was taken away from my duties for rest and to deal with the baby by the look of things. Once baby settled I was given some media to consume that has broken me again. Im still lost and desperate for answers because of it. God seems to like making sure my… updates… are violent.

Man of clay.

I got some releif today. But even that ended with bitter realisations. Couldn’t even explain it to my wife properly. Looks like im changing again. Will explain why i was taken off my previous work. Things stood still for months, now they are moving too fast.

Today has not been a good day. I feel I am the last of my kind. I know this is not true, but it is how I feel. I only post this nonsense here as a means of relief. What would random internet visitors make of these ramblings. I can only write so many letters and say so many prayers before the weakness of man sets in. A random cry to the world perhaps. Dear God, give me the hands I need. Or new eyes to see. Is there anyone out there prepared for this? Or must I teach one? Must I make from scratch? If so, only you can give me the wisdom to do so. This fire burns its fuel. What will it engulf? Nothing? The one that keeps it, or the world?

To seek the face of God… Has many meanings and many paths to such an achievement. I’m running out of time.

Still have no received my next set of works. Getting itchy.

You want to wake up to free yourself of the image of Europa.

But it is not possible.

Hmm. Sometimes it is hard to understand the timing of events. But, I’m going to make a guess here. I was given a break from my usual duties a little while ago, previous post refers to this and suddenly the baby situation changed. Interesting and educational times. Baby has come 6 weeks early under extremely stressful circumstances, however everything is perfectly fine. Aside from completely destroying all plans and in progress baby preparations.

I say stressful, but it really wasn’t at least not for me. My wife however another story. But shes fine. Several days in hospital, still there, today was my first day home to try and expedite baby preparation. I wonder though, had I not been half as busy as I was before, would I have not been so calm and ready for such a thing?

Probably. Maybe not? Who knows. You can’t live a sequence of your life more than once. Mmm. I’d say I could, but it was more pleasant to do it thoroughly relax and rested. ANYWAY, glad I was resting.

The next stage of my life has come. Except, I do not know what it is. All I know is that the last chapter has finished. I’ll be told when the time is ready. Perhaps it’s a break while I wait for the baby to finished being baked. “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.”

I think God has finally decided to show me how to fix my main health issue. This might be it. The day is coming where I can be free from my restraints and let loose.

I’ve been wanting to do it for a while, but finally got around to it and found out stuff I would have expected. Deleting everything is very difficult. Removing tags is very difficult. Im still going to use it for communication, but Im going to clear it out on a regular basis. 

I tried Gab, its kinda shit. I looked at other voat alternatives, theyre mostly shit. Guess this site and voat is all I really want for now.

I’ve been suffering from what I think is the worst sinus pains in my entire life. I have been borderline attentive in anything I have been doing. Today is good though, as there is no pain. Also something weird, I didn’t snore during my nap in the car today. At least I think I didn’t. A benchmark I have been using for how well healing my sinuses is going. I wasn’t hungry this morning either, another benchmark. Things looking good. I might be on the edge of my ultimate recovery.

On a side note, I discovered this and I LOVE IT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrjZUxziEAI&t=597s

One of the greatest pieces of music I have come across in a long time.

So, my drivers side mirror on my newest car fell off. Just the mirror, the entire body and panel the mirror sticks to is still intact. The panel it sticks to is the exact same colour as the road. Each time I look at it I think for half a second that its pointing down directly at the road, then for the next half a second I am filled with the realisation that I will not get an image from that angle and I am flooded with grief.

You dont realise how often you use a mirror until you cant.

Im sure this could be applied to like, a billion other things in life.

I recently stumbled upon a new genre of music that is instantly taken the number 1 spot in my favourite music. I can’t stop listening to this stuff. It’s so empowering and inspiring. If I had the energy I would use this to drive forward towards my goals with haste I have never had before.