Hmm. I see it is time. Fred Ryan opened the envelope. It had finally come. It is not often an order comes directly from the top of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE. He had been unwillingly waiting for this day for a long time. He carefully slid his finger between the envelope opening and gently sliced it open. Inside was a plain A4 piece of paper with computer printed text on it.
FRED RYAN,
You are to invest one (1) unicorn into our inventory. Failure to do so will involve in promotion to Accounts.
There was no signature. There never is. There is no need for the heads of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE to prove their power. We just follow. He threw the letter into the sink in preparation to burn it. A small paper cut getting him on his finger. Always, with the paper cuts. He took his lighter and tried to start it, but it just wouldn't ignite. He ran his thumb down the flint sparker and nothing would happen. He pressed down really hard to try again and a large flame burst out of it and singed his thumb. "Ga-OH" he yelled. He picked up the letter, tore it into little pieces and ate it. It's the only way to be sure.
He walked out of his small three room apartment on Ambiguous street. He went for a cigarette from his pocket but realised there was none. Ever since the last accountant died he hadn't gotten his fraudulent tax returns. Funds were a little low. With this in mind, he had to recruit a team to hunt down a unicorn. "I hate this job" he muttered under his breath as he searched his pockets for a cigarette. As the NEW leader of the Unicorn Acquisition department, it was his job to acquire unicorns. The last leader was listed as Missing in Action, until they found his body dumped in the river with 14 horn wounds. "I hate this s**t" he moaned as he gave up the search for a smoke. His last assignment was to find a dragon. It was a failure. The whole team was wiped out and he now has a glass eye. A glass eye that is cracked because he accidentally smacked his head on his washing machine and it fell out and rolled under it. In his attempt to get it he stood on it. As it didn't actually roll under at all.
He stood outside the apartment building, a lighter in one hand and pulled out a phone with the other. "I need help with this" he thought. Any help will do. Even those outside of the organisation. Just cant let them know about the evil secret plans of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE. He brought the phone to his view in order to scroll through his phone book, but slipped and dropped it onto the ground. The phone shattered into a hundred pieces. He stood there staring at it. He missed having depth perception.
TBOTU: Unicorn Acquisition
by: Anman
Total views: 163
TBOTU: Unicorn Acquisition
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07-06-2010 03:19 PMA-IndustriesTBOTU: Unicorn Acquisition
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07-06-2010 03:32 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
"Princess Sparkle Duchess, you are in big trouble."
In her chubby, small-child hands, the pink plastic unicorn said nothing, and little Emily Rose frowned. "I mean it!" She threatened, taking on her mother's tone whenever she scolded her.
Nothing. Princess Sparkle Duchess was not talking back, and the small girl sighed loudly, kicking at a stone with her shinny black shoes. She was hanging around outside the apartment building, bored; her mummy had told her to get out while she talked to her friend, and Emily Rose had done so, still in her Snow White costume, little plastic tiara in her dark hair, still holding Princess Sparkle Duchess.
She was boredddd.
Glum face, Emily Rose sat herself down, only perking up when she saw someone walk out of the building. He pulled out a phone, and Emily Rose perked up when he dropped it. "Can I help?" She asked, scurrying over. Waving her unicorn doll in his face, she beamed, her chubby face pleased. "Princess has powers, she can help put it together." -
07-06-2010 03:51 PMA-Industries
Fred moved his attention from the ground to the little girl. His eyes widened and pupils went narrow at her outfit and possession. "Little girl" He said softly as he turned to face her. Looking down at the tiny girl put his head back into a ground staring position. She looked at him in anticipation for his answer. He paused just looking. He couldn't believe it. This girl was exactly what he was after. This had to be the luckiest day in his life.
He eyed off the unicorn doll in her hand. She was still waving it around in front of her. A device she used to get his attention. And she got it. It was the legendary Princess Sparkle Duchess. The unicorn weapon of ultimate destruction. His knowledge on the ancient unicorn ways was still in complete, but he was certain, this was it. Handed down from little girl to little girl, this was his perfect chance to use its power against the unicorns.
"Little girl..." He said again. "How would you like to make a little bit of money? Enough money to buy yourself 100 treats from the candy shop." He paused for a second. "Or a new bigger and better unicorn doll?" He put on the biggest smile he could conjure up. This was going to get him a raise. -
07-06-2010 04:06 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
Wide hazel eyes stared up at the man. His smile was kind of scaring her, like the baddies in her cartoons. But he was offering her money for Princess!
Emily Rose's nose wrinkled, and she clutched the unicorn closer to her. "No thank you." She said, remembering her manners. "I like Princess enough, and my mummy says I can't eat sweets 'cause they turn me into a horrible brat."
She toyed with the glittery mane of her doll, then brightened. "You can play with us, though!" Sitting down, she made Princess Sparkle Duchess gallop around the gravel. "Nayy, Nayy! Princess senses evil, so she'll attack it with her magical horn!" Pointing the doll at the man, Emily Rose shouted, "Magical Pony Love Moonlight Attack, go!" then, for good measure, she added the sound effects. "Pew, pew, whoosh!" -
07-06-2010 04:37 PMA-Industries
Freed stood up straight and looked up directly at the sky. He closed his eyes deeply. "Oh god" He thought. He looked down again and saw her playing on the ground. She had completely and instantly ignored his offer and gone to do her own thing. Logical really. An older man offering candy to a young girl can sometimes be frowned upon. It would be expected at times.
"Little girl..." He started again. "We can play a game. I can be the big strong hero and you can be the fairy princess. You are already dressed up as one. Would you like to get a REAL unicorn to ride around?" He smiled again. This time with less enthusiasm. His easy find was turning difficult. He could just grab the unicorn and run off on his own. He could defeat a whole clan of unicorns with the artefact, but there is just too many people around. He couldn't make a scene. He continued "It's just like a horse, but it can..." He paused for half a second to think "It can fly and shoot rainbows from it's horn." Fred was proud of himself. -
07-06-2010 04:49 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
Emily Rose gaped up at him, her playing forgotten. A real unicorn?
With a squeal, Emily Rose clutched Princess Sparkle Duchess closer to her, starry-eyed at the thought. A real unicorn! One that shot rainbows from it's horn and flew! Emily Rose pictured herself on it in a pretty dress, prettier than her yellow snow white one. And her would be super, super long, too, and she would have a big crown and some flowers and some glitter and, and --
"Yes!!" She squealed. "I want to play a game!! I want to see the unicorn! Will it be pink? Will it have shiny hair like Princess?" Her eyes brightened at the thought, her cheeks pink with the excitement. This was possibly the best day of any day in her short six years on Earth. "I want to see the unicorn!"
Emily Rose squealed again, then calmed for a moment. "We should get her a gift," She said thoughtfully. "My book says you have to bring unicorns gifts. Like flowers!" The little girl cheered. She tugged at the man's hands, and pointed to a rose bush in the apartment gardens. "Pick some of them!" She demanded. "I get into trouble when I do." Emily Rose added dolefully, remembering how the old man that tended to the gardens had yelled at her when she pulled off all the heads. -
07-06-2010 05:10 PMA-Industries
"Perfect" Fred shouted as he clapped his hands together. "Wait, flowers?" He slumped slightly. "Well, ok." He looked at the rose bush. There was an array of them positioned around the building. Old man Bob was the grounds keeper. Fred knew this wasn't good. Old man Bob carries a gun around with him. It was a habit he picked up from a rough neighbourhood. Fred unfortunately found this out the hard way. When he first moved into the apartment he had left his keys at the local THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE headquarters. He would never get in until the next day, with their strict opening rules and all. Fred had decided to sleep it out under some shrubs and Old Man Bob mistook him for a stray bear. He was shot 5 times.
Fred currently wasn't on the good side of Old Man Bob. He recently had to hide a group of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE informants in his apartment and they had made a lot of noise. Old Man Bob lived above him. The sounds of people yelling "YATZEE" and firing gunshots out the window left a lasting impression. Fred looked around quickly. Shuffled quickly up to the bush, grabbed his hand around a bunch of flowers, pulled them off and came back to the edge of the pathway. Oh. Yeah. Roses. He handed 3 nicely petalled red roses and proceeded to pull thorns out of his hand as he fumbled for a tissue to stop the bleeding. Fred was reminded, that he hated roses.
"Well little girl." He started as he held onto his hands in frustration from all the stinging. "If I'm going to take you to the unicorns I am going to need to know your na..." He abruptly stopped and looked at her again. This time he properly noticed the outfit. "Yesss." He thought. "Little girl, what is your name? And do you have a little pink tutu you could put on? It will it.. uh.. be perfect to ride the unicorn with." Another sweet save thought Fred. Unicorns are startled by little girls in tutus. -
07-06-2010 05:18 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
"Emily Rose Merryton." She cheerfully suppiled. "And yes, I have a tutu!"
Emily Rose thrust her unicorn at him. "Hold Princess, she'll slow me down, and I'll get my tutu!" Then she raced away to her apartment; it was up a flight of stairs and the little girl almost tripped over the skirt of her dress, but she made it on one piece, reaching on tiptoe to open the door.
"Mummy!" She called, "I'm getting my tutu!"
There was a thump from her mummy's room, and a groan - Emily Rose ignored it, running to her own little room and to her closet with the stars hung on it, tearing through it until she found her favourite pink tutu, for dancing. She liked her Snow White dress though... undecided, Emily Rose thought that she'd wear both and she grinned, slipping the tutu on.
"Bye Mummy!" She yelled again, running out of the apartment, and down the stairs. Wouldn't that nice man looking after Princess be surprised when he saw how clever she'd dressed herself? -
07-06-2010 05:33 PMA-Industries AKA Whitley
Fred watched the little girl run back into the building. And then realised what he had in his possession. He froze. Solid. For hundreds of years THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE have been looking for this. Fred had no idea why. He didn't even know why they go after such crazy dangerous creatures. He just does his job, and is rewarded gorgeously for it. But this... This doll. It was more than just a way to complete this mission. It will mean recognition from the top of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE. He held it out in front of himself, making sure it was as far in front of him as he could hold it.
He spoke under his breath.
"Neighmaro, neighrrrr"
The doll started to glow. Little imperfections started to disappear. A small yellow stain vanished, roughed up patches of fluff smoothed out. This was indeed, the long lost artefact of Princess Sparkle Duchess. Fred's ancient unicorn was a little rusty. He decided it would be best to try to avoid using it until the last minute. One mispronounced word might backfire. Better to take out every one and himself, instead of just himself. He put his hand inside his black polyester jacket and patted his gun to make sure it was there. He paused for a second. "I can't afford to lose this" he though. He stuffed the doll inside his jacked and zipped up. It bulged out a bit and make it look a bit obvious. Fred looked around quickly. He opened his jacked again and stuffed half of the toy under his belt and then closed the jacket. It make his pants bulge a bit more but no longer looked suspicious. Now, he just looked like a man amongst men.
The little girl ran out of the building. "Oh perfect" He yelled at her as she ran up. "Now, we go to Obligatory City Park!" -
07-06-2010 05:37 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
The park! Emily Rose cheered. "The park! The park!"
This would be great, she thought. They would have a picnic and she could go to the swings and it'd be fun and everyone would be happy. "I like the park," Emily Rose said happily, letting the man lead her. This would be so much fun. Emily Rose had never had a better day. Plus she'd get to see a real unicorn! -
07-06-2010 05:51 PMA-Industries
A smile formed on Fred's face. "I might be allowed to retire in a few years with this" he pleasantly thought to himself. They walked down the street in the direction of the park. The sun had finished rising and the new day was officially happening. "Hold on a second little girl" he stopped in mid stride in front of a mobile phone dealer. "Just need to quickly get a new one. You can wait here a minute" Emily crossed her arms in contempt. "Fine" she pouted. "Hurry up, I want to see a unicorn."
He walked into the shop. "Probably shouldn't have left a small girl outside on her own" he thought. "But then again, who cares? I am after all apart of THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE. We are evil after all." He picked the cheapest phone they had and went to the counter. "Ahh yes, thats the Dodgy Mcdodgington. The cheapest phone from Dongile. Nice and disposable." The man at the counter was too chirpy for Freds liking. "Credit" grunted Fred. The man provided him with the machine and he swiped and entered his pin. "Oh sorry" said the man. "Declined at the bank." Fred fished out another card from his pocket. "Give me another try." "Sorry sir, that one has been declined too." Fred growled. He didn't like being next to this man. He pulled out another card and tried again. "Oh good" the man chirped again. It worked this time. Thank you for your purchase..." He looked at the card "Mr Susan Boyle." Fred grabbed the phone and walked out. Putting his sim card back in as he got outside.
He looked at Emily. "See didn't take too long. The park is just 5 minutes away now." -
07-06-2010 05:58 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
A few people leered at Emily Rose, but she ignored them, waiting for the man that was taking her to the park. "Is the unicorn going to be pretty?" She asked him, as they walked along the busy street.
"Sure." He offered, and Emily Rose cheered.
They made it to the park in a short amount of time, and Emily yelped again, pleased. It was a lovely day - the park was green, the grass soft, the trees shady. Princess Sparkle Duchess would have lots to eat.
Speaking of... "Where's Princess?" Emily asked. "Can we play now? You have to be the prince!" -
07-06-2010 06:13 PMA-Industries
"Yes yes. We can play once we find a unicorn." Fred started walking towards the area of the park with the heaviest foliage. If his intel was correct, there should be a doorway here somewhere. He had been keeping tabs on the unicorns in the area for some time, just waiting for the order to come through.
Emily was standing at the edge of the gardens watching. She didn't want to get her tutu dirty. "Aha!" Fred yelled. Found it. He called her to come into the garden. In front of them was a small shiny metal ball. The size of a tennis ball. "This, is the magical doorway to the unicorns home" he muttered as he picked it up. Just then, a deep raspy voice came out from the ball.
"You must specific the code for the gateway or be destroyed. If you are a guest, you must answer us the following..." Fred cut in and yelled at the ball "Neighur Whinnyus!" His crutched glowed for a moment and the ball went silent. He dropped it and stepped back. Immediately with a flash, a big blue square tile the size of a very large door appeared right in front them in an upright position. It shimmered slightly in the morning light. "This doll is amazing" through Fred. Without it he would have had to study the questions and figure out what clan of unicorns this was and return at another day. But today, he gets to use the element of surprise. The girl.
"You can go first if you like." He motioned to Emily. -
07-06-2010 06:20 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
Eyes as wide as saucers, Emily Rose stepped through the doorway.
She was frightened at first; it was a little too scary, and when she stepped through, a light flashed and she yelped, closing her eyes.
There was a gentle breeze on her face when everything settled down, and Emily Rose could smell something sweet, like flowers, so she opened her eyes and gasped.
Unlike the park, the land before her was beautiful; the grass shimmered as it waved in the breeze and pretty jewel-like flowers grew under a bright sky. But the best part, oh the best part -
"UNICORNS!" Emily Rose shrieked, racing forward to a herd of them.
They were exactly how she imagined; pretty, with glittery manes and lovely eyes. Much better than her doll!
In surprise, though, some of the unicorns dropped to the ground, and Emily Rose cried out in surprised, startled. "Oh no!" -
07-06-2010 09:54 PMA-Industries
Fred immediately leaped out of the blue sheet behind Emily. Gun in hand and pointing forwards. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH". He yelled as he franticly gained a stance and surveyed the scene. Unicorns! And some have fallen over. He had no time to think and only react. Studying previous case files of unicorn encounters he knew they were not to be messed with. They deal with heavy firepower and their ability to use their weaponry was beyond human. He let his gun go off.
He held the trigger and the gun went off automaticaly. BangBangBangBang. He sprayed the 5 or so unicorns in front of emily with bullets. They peppered off the ground in puffs of dirt and entered the unicorns bodies. BangBangBangBang his gun continued to go. No time to think, only time to shoot. Fred was a THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE hunter for a reason. He knew how and when and what to shoot. And he was paid for it. It was his job. TkTkTkTk. His gun had finally emptied. He immediately took a clip out of his jacket and reloaded. The two unicorns that were not already on the ground had final fallen over. He ran over to them to make sure they were all dead.
Fred froze. He went completely white. He leaned over and picked something up. His back was facing Emily. He turned around. He was holding a unicorn horn... "Cardboard" He said with a bit of a puff. "Cardboard"... He paused for a few moments.
"OH NO!" He yelled at Emily. "ITS A TRAP!" -
07-07-2010 04:00 AMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
The little girl had been frozen in shock when her new found friend had charged in, shooting the lovely unicorns. He'd hurt her unicorns!
Tears welled up in her hazel eyes, and Emily Rose started to bawl, the messy, undignifed crying of a child, and only got louder when her friend (or was he a bad guy now?) had yelled at her.
Hiccuping, Emily Rose asked tearfully, "W-hy, hic, di-d, hic, yo-uu, hic, kill-hic, th-em, hic?"
But then, behind her --
The soft clop of hooves on the ground, and Emily Rose turned, her small fingers curled into the stiff mesh of her tutu. Her eyes were impossibly wide this time. It was, it was -
Another unicorn!
This one was different though; he was taller, and a shiny black with a blue-flame mane that flickered. His horn was silver, and riding on his back was a beautiful woman, her face hard. "You," She said in a great and terrible voice, pointing towards Emily Rose's friend and ignoring the little girl completely. "You have tried to defeat us, but know now that the Unicorns will not come to the Brotherhood so easily! You will pay dearly for your crimes." -
07-07-2010 10:06 AMA-Industries AKA Whitley
Fred had no time for the sobbing or glee of a little girl. In fact, he had no time at all. In front of him stood his worst case scenario. This was Tchort Neighotron. The grand master unicorn of this continent. Fred looked at Emily. "What the hell was I thinking" He thought. "She has no combat ability at all! Maybe I could feed her to him"
Fred pointed to the little girl and yelled "What is that!?" Tchort glanced towards the little girl and peeled his lips back. "Neiighhhh"! He reeled back a bit and started huffing. "What trickery is this HUMAN!" "Perfect" thought Fred. He ran up to Emily and dropped his gun. "Here, use this." He didnt even look at her. Fred had no time for the little girl.
He stood forward and thrust his crotch towards Tchort. He unzipped his jacket. "Does this look familiar unicorn!" he yelled in a sarcastic manner. Tchort whinnied and back up again. Fred unzipped his pants and let them fall. Hanging by a leg from his bright blue underpants, was Princess Sparkle Duchess. "YOU!" Hissed Tchort. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!" He neighed. "YOU CAN NOT HANDLE THE POWER OF THE PRINCESS SPARKLE DUCHESS!" Fred grinned. "Watch me" he slickly replied.
Fred took a step forward and fell face first into the grass. Right. The pants. Fred just made a huge mistake. -
07-08-2010 02:23 PMJill the Ripper AKA Whitley
Emily Rose knew what this was!
"A magic wand!" The little girl cried joyfully. Her mummy's friends always brought these to their house, and left them on the table - one man had told her it made bad people go away, by pressing the button.
She picked it up; her new friend was fighting the black unicorn, obviously it was a bad one! She'd help, and then they could fix the pretty unicorns that her friend had tried to hurt.
Bang! Bang! went the gun. -
07-08-2010 04:28 PMA-Industries
Fred heard the gun shots from behind him. The loud bang rustled between the grass leaves around his ears. His head still buried between the flowers, he shuddered. His butt went ice cold. And then started to sting. And then pain started to shoot through his back. Both his butt cheeks started to burn in pain. Fred had been shot. Once in each butt cheek. By his own gun. By a little girl. This was the most humiliating thing that could have possible happened. More humiliating than the time he lost a game of solitaire at THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE and he was forced to walk around naked through the town while covered in ice cream topping. The experience was semi redeemable, as the ice cream topping was stolen. Always a sense of satisfaction.
He heard the gun drop behind him and lifted his head up f rom the flowers. His ass was killing him. There was a big black unicorn coming towards him and it was grinning. It laughed. "Neyneyney, comical human."
Fred was about to be hurt. What could he do? He thought quickly. "Yes. I have to do it. I was prepared for the consequences." He put his arms under himself and threw himself onto his back. "AARGH!" The pain in his ass hit him hard. Princess Sparkle Duchess flopped out onto his stomach, still hanging onto his underpants. He yelled out from between his flowers. "JEAN LUC BLOW UP THE DAMN SHIP! NO! NOOOOOOO!!! EMILY! I AM YOUR FATHER! NEIGHORSTUS NEIGHARFAIL!"
Princess Sparkle Duchess turned white for a second. Then everything turned white and the whole landscape disappeared instantly.
Fred was Dead. THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNFORTUNATE will need a new Unicorn hunter.
Emily's mother will need a new daughter. But she's dead too, so it balances out.
About the Author
Rating: 5.00